Books saved me by Aishwarya Baidar

I explored Aishwarya Baidar today and found her words appealing to me. Its rare to find such writing. This is her story of how she found her refuge on books. This is her story of her love for books. This also is an inspiring saga of a non popular girl in school who later became the most popular just because of her writing. Let me present her own words here for you. 

When I was in the seventh grade, I received a book as a gift from my sister. It was The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas. After that, I spent all of my pocket money in buying novels. I also had a thing for fancy stationeries; I always opted buying fancy notebooks, notebooks which later were filled with poems, wishful thoughts, award acceptance speeches, and sometimes raps as well. The pages of the novels I owned and the notebooks I filled are my most prized possessions.

When I was in the ninth grade, my father’s business went bankrupt. We were forced to sell our house, our cars and even my mother’s jewelry. We were chased by loan sharks. The atmosphere inside my house after the incident had a stink of grief. My mother and father argued all the time and their love for each other started withering. At a tender age, I understood how vile money was and what it does to people. The everyday fights between my parents impacted my behavior.

I was unable to identify any emotion within myself besides sadness. I became quieter and over a period of time I was that kid in the classroom whom every teacher noticed because of the gloom reflected on her face.  During my school days, you could say I was a wallflower. I blended well so that I could no longer be noticeable. Keeping things to myself was my expertise.

I did have couple of friends who knew only my name and a few trivial details about my life. And that was fine by me; I never really wanted anyone to find out who I really was. I gave that luxury only to my diaries and my notebooks. I adapted to ‘ostrich mentality’, but in my case instead of sand I’d stick my head in the novels I read.

The books I read were my escape. I found solace in the smell of pages and comfort in the words. Due to my family’s circumstances, the real world felt like a painful migraine. So I dwelled in different author’s worlds. Sometimes the magical sphere of Harry potter would obscure my family problems; sometimes I wouldn’t feel so bad for myself because of Khalid Hosseni’s characters. Sometimes I listened to Coelho’s preaching, trying to understand, and sometimes I drowned myself completely in Sylvia Plath’s words. The books I read were a shoulder for me to cry on and there was never a time when I didn’t borrow books from libraries. I spent all my leisure periods living there.

Once, during a free period, I was reading Coelho's Alchemist. Suddenly my math teacher, Sunil Sir, whom I tremendously respected, found me reading. He told me that he had already read the book and how wonderfulit was seeing me read books like that. From that day onwards, Sunil Sir and I started to exchange novels. At his house, there were countless books that lined the wall, shelf after shelf. As a bibliophile, I was intrigued by his collection of books. He always encouraged me to borrow books from him and so I did. He was a prodigy who had a knack for solving mathematics equations and his love for literature was limitless.

Because of Sunil sir’s affinity towards literature, I was able to connect with him.  And I am forever grateful to him for lending me his books. The novels built a bridge for me to start sharing things. He may not know it but every time I think about school, I think of him. School! It also reminds me of Pink Floyd’s song, “Another Brick in the Wall”. And I was not surprised when Binay Sir, who taught us Social Studies, introduced the idea that kids are taught not how to think but what to think. He also sparked an interest in writing for me.

 I remember we had to write something for our school before our SLC exams. And my article was titled ‘My Last Letter to Vidhya Sagar’. I poured out my heart while writing that article; everything that was on my mind spilled on the pages. And I remember all the students being called to the Hall one day after the submission of the articles.

This memory is vivid in my mind. I remember Binay Sir walking inside the Hall with a piece of paper. All of us thought it was a notice for our exams. But out of the blue, he called out my name, “Where is Aishwarya Baidar?” My first instinct was to slouch and hide my face. My friend sitting right next to me pointed at me. All of a sudden, I felt heat gushing through my body and I timidly raised my hand. He then smiled brightly and announced in front of all the students how much he adored my letter. He recited the letter word-by-word. I was dazed.

All the claps I received suddenly put me on the spot and I was trying hard to process what was happening around me. Later, he came up to me and told me that I could write. In a way, I knew that I have been writing throughout my life. But it was Binay Sir who made me realize that I could put words together sense fully.He encouraged me to write more. That spark has now become a fire, a roaring blaze.

 I always thought that my childhood days were grey but now when I go down memory lane, it really wasn’t! Yes, I had to go through circumstantial problems but beautiful things also came along the way out of nowhere.  There were books to help me; it led me toward people who thought alike. Had I never read books, I would have never come across teachers like Sunil Sir and Binay Sir. It was often difficult for me to find a place for myself, but there were always books that provided comfort.

The most incredible thing about books is that you can put them down for as long as necessary. But if you come back in a year it’ll still be there, faithfully waiting for you to turn a page. The greatest teachers I regard are the novels I read up till now, the songs I listened to and the movies I have watched. And I wish that everyone else would also discover the lessons in these art forms. There is something so beautiful about being able to sit down with a book you love and participate in various adventures together.

(Aishwarya Baidar is a Language and Arts instructor with the US Embassy’s Book Bus.)

and this article was taken from https://myrepublica.nagariknetwork.com/mycity/news/books-saved-me on 10 January 2019. 

Happy New Year 2019; new year note for you

Hey beautiful souls out there

I am so happy to write the first post of this New Wonderful Year 2019, I am super excited to welcome this new-year. Last year was wonderful I lunched my album “Ghazal Ko Suvas” and I am happy to see your positive love and support. The album is still on the way to many hearts. I am hopeful this year my words and music will reach heart of all Nepali around the world. Last year we did many concerts around the country with the name “Ghazal & Sufi Night” this year also we will be conducting it in more large scale.

This year we also have a plan to record some international music for the audience around the world. Along with some chant and kirtan we also have plan to record a pagan song. I completed my master degree on English Literature from Tribhuvan University on 2018 so this year I will be exploring the outer world.

I wish you will gather amazing moments this year. It is said that we don’t remember the time in regular series rather we remember the moments that we create in the middle of this time. I have known from my experience that traveling brings must amazing insights to live happy life. I hope this year you will also travel far wide to those destinations which you love. I also wish you not only travel outside but enter the royal castle inside your heart. Because where ever you go if you are not settled in your heart properly you never find peace or fun in any journey.

Years will come years will go but if we find the balance in new and old, good and bad, sad and happy moments then life always is a celebration. I hope you are happy where ever you are.

My best wishes for your upcoming opportunities, glory, beauty and harmony.

Your Friend Suvas Agam. 

Pic Courtesy : aluxurytravelblog.com

Representation of modern man in Samuel Beckett's “Waiting for Godot”

           This paper explores the state of modern man presented in Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. Moreover, the study highlights Beckett’s depiction of man’s belief of waiting for his survivor to come for his help. Beckett juxtaposes modern human psyche with hope or pursuit of happiness in one way and in other way he shows the absurdity of human life. Beckett presents two major characters Vladimir and Estragon who go on waiting for Godot. They represent today's human psyche. If we go into the street of any city we can see everyone running, fighting or craving for the same Godot but actually they also don’t know what he/she/it is. But everyone is just behind it; waiting for it or dreaming to attain Godot. In this sense we all are Vladimir and Estragon. Therefore, here in this writing I will show how Beckett appeals to this modern time with his writing from the twentieth century’s writing.

At the turn of the 20^th century, a crisis in Enlightenment humanism had began to emerge; from the ashes of a dying romantic era, a cultural revolution known as the modernist movement arose as a progressive force promising to liberate humankind from ignorance and irrationality. Weary from the weak, unchanging patterns of Victorian writing, a collection of writers sought to break away from pre-existing ‘dead-end’ methods of creating literature by exploring new styles which were expressed in their prose and poetic works. Placing a greater emphasis upon experimentation, modernist writers took a great interest in purposely disorientating their readership with fragmentation and elements of the absurd.  As the play is postmodern writing, it centers on the theme of meaningless life as Julie Armstrong suggests, "The essence, therefore, of post-modernity is that there is no essence" (98). A conscious experimentation with language to express both its powers and limitations became apparent components in a vast body of modern literature. While the previous era embodied a strong connection to nature in the belief this relationship was crucial for man’s development as an individual, modern writers displayed little interest towards the natural world. Instead, an established vein of modern thought developed that progress as an individual was dependent upon directing the eye inward.

One particular modernist who became fascinated with the idea of the individual and perception was to be the Irish playwright, Samuel Beckett. A key piece of his work which has been heralded as a defining piece of modernist literature is his abstract play, Waiting for Godot. Frequently noted for its minimalist style, Beckett’s absurdist play has invited a multiplicity of possible interpretations. While Godot does technically still reside in the ‘modern’ bracket of literature, elements of a postmodern nature can also be subtly detected within Beckett’s work; the characters of Vladimir and Estragon for example, have been noted to resemble the tragic comedic figures Laurel and Hardy, as their methods of ‘passing the time’ act as a pastiche to classic American Vaudeville routines. The play thus appears in what Robert Scholes states, Beckett's play "challenging traditional forms of theatre, they ultimately challenge traditional view of human existence, suggesting that it may be as illogical, as absurd, as the dramatic spectacles they portray" (1272).

For writers who use absurdist techniques, the world is incoherent, illogical, nonlinear, and  irrational. The laws of cause and effect don’t operate, language ceases to have any inherent meaning, numbers and places are only arbitrary, and it all winds up being so horrible you can only survive by laughing at the absurdity of trying to find meaning where there is none. (240)

Within Beckett’s play, a palette of primarily modern features can be identified as the two primary protagonists await the arrival of an absent character named ‘Godot.’ Awaiting this absent person, Vladimir and Estragon perform an array of activities to pass the time, from silly things such as playing games and swapping hats, to darker matters such as contemplating suicide. Vladimir and Estragon resemble the activities of modern man in the play. Today’s man is also waiting some unknown in his or her each and every action. From buying a latest model of mobile, car, cloth or any artifact, there is always a craving of that unknown Godot. That Godot, who never comes in any good. But we go on seeking shadow of Godot in our each and every action. Parents grow children in the hope that one day they will arrange a meeting with that Godot. So, they send them school so that they will find some way to know Godot. They go to college, get married, do job, give birth to new generation and go on hoping one day they will meet Godot and be happy. But that Godot never comes. Human grows old and finally in death bed also he/she hopes till last breath of have a small glimpse of that Godot. But no one ever got any chance to meet Godot. So, the characters of Waiting for Godot not only resemble the story of every modern human but it mocks on the existence of meaningless repetition of same waiting since time immemorial. Because of this endless repetition today human has reached to such a state that he/she even doesn’t notice the fault on doing so. It has become a ritual of life. “Everyone does so, so I do it.” That’s the answer of each individual. Beckett artistically depicts that true picture of modern man in this play. Between Waiting For Godot  and The Myth of Sisyphus,  we learn a little bit about the redundancy of our lives; "Habit is a great deadener."  Vladimir states near the end of the play.             

 Human in many ways has become puppet in the hand of system created by big multi-international companies, corporate organizations, big companies and brands. Human follows the trend which actually is just a conspiracy against him. Unknowingly he goes to the market and asks for cold drink and gets coca cola and drinks even though he probably was thinking to drink water. But water is not banded as coca cola till today. Human mind is poisoned by the slogan such as “cold means coca cola” and many other slogans which actually is poison against the free will. We are not free in this sense. We go to market and by only those things that are popular, or are advertised. We never buy the advertised cheap things. We rather buy expensive things but don’t relay in not advertised thing. In this way, we all are hypnotized to act, be and react in certain order. Because of so many stimuli in the city people develop blaze attitude and alienate the being of individual. Because the city is so impersonal and objective as Georg Simmel, German sociologist, philosopher, and critic even sees a "regression of the culture of the individual" in his era, where individuals try extra hard to be unique in whatever ways remain open and haven't been legislated or subordinated to economic efficiency.

From one angle life is made infinitely very easy in the sense that stimulations, interests, and the taking up of time and attention, present themselves from all sides and carry it in a stream which scarcely requires any individual efforts for its ongoing. But from another angle, life is composed more and more of these impersonal cultural elements

However, Vladimir and Estragon are in a complete state of unconscious and uncertainty because they do not have the knowledge about Godot. They do not know where they are going to have a meeting with Godot. They know nothing about Godot except the “white beard” (37) Godot has. Belief, knowledge and experience give justify man’s indications to his religion. Vladimir and Estragon have bad faith of coming Godot for their salvation. Vladimir and Estragon are identical to each other as if they are identical to all human kind. Lucky and Pozzo also are interconnected with each other with a rope. There is not any specific relationship between the characters of Waiting for Godot. As if they are representing other part of humans who have their own pain and sorrow and have no hope of any one to come and give salvation to them. They are in the same relationship in which all human beings are tied to each other. Beckett’s religious quest is clearly shown when both of his characters in muddle ask themselves that why are they here? They did not get answer instead of their consistent attitude towards their waiting for Godot. One more thing is noticeable in Beckett’s play that there is no escape from their life except having belief on their salvation according to their deeds. Despite Pozzo becomes blind, Lucky did not flee. Beckett does not show the way to escape humanity from their solitude, but he wants his characters to stay there in same estrangement and keep on waiting for their savior. All the characters of the play are not living in their selves but they are dependent and interconnected to each other and are not free and independent.

In conclusion, the play depicts the modern man seems to be free in nature but he does not let him free from his worldliness. This play depicts the condition of modern man and is a mock. He becomes again a slave of his desires and materialistic attitudes due to which he makes a distant between him and his divine power. The more man becomes materialist the more he gets away from his self. Chaos and despair would be found everywhere as it is depicted in Beckett’s play. In the play, the two vagabonds are in a continuous wait for Godot, the survivor to come and save them from ultimate disparity and desolation. It is their belief and commitment that let them tied with their faith of salvation. Modern man is also in the same scenario of Vladimir and Estragon. Thus, the whole play can also be applied while analyzing the beliefs and commitments of Vladimir and Estragon to the commitments and beliefs of modern man.

Works Cited

Armstrong, Julie. Experimental Fiction: An Introduction for Readers and Writers. London: Bloomsbury, 2014.

Rush, David. A Student Guide to Play Analysis. Carbondale: Southern Illinois University Press, 2005.

Sholes, Robert, Nancy R. Comley, Carl H. Klaus and Michael Silverman, editors. Elements of Literature. Oxford University Press, 1978.

Simmel, Georg. "The Metropolis and Mental Life". The Sociology of Georg Simmel. Ed. Kurt H. Wolff. The Free Press, 1950.

Wikipedia contributors. "Waiting for Godot." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, 4 Apr. 2018. Web. 17 Apr. 2018.

Lane, Richard J. editor. Global Literary Theory : an Anthology. New York :Routledge, 2013. Print.