Post number One: Some random brainstorming over creating and writing this blog.
There are lots of thing to write and share. At
the same time nothing at all. I frequently have this kind of feeling on my
mind to write a blog or create a website. In the background I always had dream
of being an artist, singer, director, actor and list may be long. In this stage
of my life so many thought pass through mind and I witness the fight of desire,
feeling and the reality. This is going on for long.
Frequently I use to
think, why should I write? Whether an article for popular magazine or my own.
Do I have something to share? What do I know about myself, world and existence of
all? Who am I to make a blog and website? In fact I don't know.
Sometimes It feels like I receive some
answers for a while, that gives me sort of solace and peace. Music is the
biggest passion of my life. In spite of that I do get feelings to stop singing
and simply move away to some other job. I don't see myself as a good singer. Nether
I see myself as a good actor. Nor can I do some hard physical work. I feel like
stupid while writing all these rubbish. In one corner of my heart I feel like I
am a yogi by birth. And should renounce this world and live an acetic life. And
I laugh at me by seeing these all sort of mental storm. I find my friends
searching the right box to put me. Because I normally don’t fit any fix box or
a category. Yes I am a mess.
If you Google on my name Suvas Agam today you
will find more then nineteen thousand result. Till this date many of my ghazal
music, bhajan or spiritual – devotional songs are scattered around the internet
web. Being an artist it’s so amazing to see the response of people from all
over the world. There are so many beautiful things around the world and beautiful
people too. There are so many things to share and many things to learn. I have
seen so many unnecessary stuffs too scattered around the web. I now have
decided to write my experience with travelling, music, spiritual insights. Now I
have learnt that it’s always nice to share your love and compassion to the
world. We all have our own unique experiences. And some one can learn for sure
something from your life.
This article was the first article of this
blog which was full of my catharsis. Today on 26th Nov 2018 I just
edited it. As my previous writing was not that insightful rather it was simply
a catharsis. I hope you will find some stuffs in this blog with will touch you.
And you will get inspired to write and share your love to the world too.
With Love Suvas Agam.
Originally
written on 7th October 2010 mid night 00:19
Edited on This article was re edited by myself on 26th
Nov 2018, 3:05 PM
Original Text:
There are a lots
of things to write and share ..... in the same time , nothing at all. I
frequently have this kind of feeling on me about blogs about my websites ...
and also about dream of being a artist, singer, director, actor and lot .....
I have been fighting about this kind of
feelings for long time ....
Many time I use, why should I have a blog? what is the use of making my
own advertisement? what is with me to share? what do I know? who am I to make a
blog and website? ...
I don't know
actually why .... few times I receive some answers for a while, that
gives me satisfaction and a good answer about this things. Mostly
when I think about my biggest passion Music .. I have got a lots of feeling of
stopping singing , and just do some thing else because I don't feel many time
that I am a good singer and I am able to become a singer and to make a site for
me or album for me and so on ....
And also about my passion of acting ...
I don't feel that I am good actor and I need to do acting or I should get a
good role in a movie or in any videos ...
I know I am a most stupid guy and am
writing also a stupid things ....
Yes , I have a
lots of stupid dreams of becoming a monk , I sometime laugh at me of my
attitude and by seeing my self .. and also I use to say to my friends that
"don't you get tired of me? I am tired of my self already" and my
friends just laugh in front of me and I don't know if they laugh at me after
going away with me or not ... that's quit a big misty... any way .
Ya I have a lots of dreams and desires
and aims and passion what so ever we say .. like singing, composing music and
lyrics both, writing poems, Ghazal ( A kind of poem ), story, drama and novels
too .
Well if you Google
on me you will find my drama in YouTube my songs in Myspace and my videos in
YouTube again ... already in-spite of having this confusion I can't control
myself and I have already put myself everywhere , though I am fighting with
myself again and again , a eternity fight .
Thought Though Although .... I have opened this blog also now ... and am
writing this stupid words to fill up the gap because i already said i don't
have things ... just empty and full to shits .... But you know once i
said OK now i will not sing and after some days i start
shaking and trembling i start having a feeling of something
hidden in me wanted to explore and i was in a temple and saw a women singing in
off tone i mean not good voice well i know very well god listens the feelings
not voice but for my that being who is forbidden for singing ... my
one being was saying .... SUVAS WHAT ARE YOU DOING .. GO AND SING .. YOU
HAVE VOICE AND YOU KNOW AND YOU HAVE LEARNT TO SING THEN WHY NOT TO SING .. WHO
GIVE YOU THE ART OF SINGING ? THEN WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SINGING FOR THAT
DIVINE THAT GOD THAT .... and i start singing i feel for crying and my all
whole being was calm and was in deep meditation with music ... i felt again
settle down again .. again it felt like i came home again ... it felt
like i found my way back home from a being of lost in deep forest of no-where .
Gradually i understood that i have that art inside who want to come out
, and I also know that my another I wants to become I and becomes happy when
some one says to me that waoo you are a beautiful singer , what a voice you
have and so .....
but there is another being who sings in
silence who becomes one with song one with that voice which drops from my neck
as a voice that is some things another who i
don't recognize so often .. some one else comes and covers me and
becomes poem some times and comes in piece of paper and become a
beautiful poem .. i have a experience that i use to compose very less poem
but when it comes it just comes by being so perfect so sweet so slim so cute
composition some times i myself use to think ... is this my own words ...
At some point when i am singing in some temples in
the beginning i have make a kind of
planning for singing but when i start singing some
thing different comes and really becomes a new live
composition and becomes a really god music .
These few precious time when
i become a creator , singer , writer gives me a that thing that gives me
that thing that makes strong belief in me that i have some thing in me that is
not me that is the gift of that creator nature or god or what so ever who wants
me to use that gift and create these creation .. so i write so i sing
so i dance so i love this art .
That art have tough me to
become a good human who don't want to hurt some even a insect , that art
have given me the teaching of being soft to all and share love laugh
and happiness , that divine feelings that comes when
i dissolve in those art have given me the courage to love all
help all be of all and be compassionate ...
ohssssssssssssss now i become ............. happy of being a artist
actually god have given art of cooking to my mom art of making garden to my
brother art of speaking to my father and art of music to me ..
what a beautiful thing we all have art and
why i am thinking that only me is artist we all are artist actually
oh lets celebrate this feelings ....
I love you all my sweet beings .......
sweet souls .......
Love from Suvas .............
7th October 2010 mid night
00:19
I don't know how it was written but it was just written by love to all and my art .
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